“Shadows Light” (2008)
Ever After Media
A Stephen Zimmer Film
Starring Tom Phillips, Tucky Williams, Cynthia Allen, Jessica Kline

Score: Technical: 20, Story: 10, Acting: 10, Overall Score: 13.3

If there’s one thing I’m really truly sick of in horror movies, beyond anything, beyond even the cheap “Saw” rip-offs and pointless torture-porn style of Eli Roth wannabes, it’s the cliché of the evil lesbian. She’s evil and pansexual so obviously she’s going to end up being not only evil but also inhuman in some form, and to be honest, it’s a stupid idea. Maybe 20 or 30 years ago the concept was titillating enough but nowadays it just screams of borderline desperate and a little bit homophobic and misogynistic to me. Unfortunately, that’s only the beginning of just how wrong this movie is.

I’ll admit to liking shitty movies. It’s no secret if you know me, I have a soft spot for movies that might be a touch the cheesy and bad side. “Toxic Avenger”, the “Wishmaster” movies, a TON of martial arts films, the list kind of goes on. However, there is definitely a line of how much I’m willing to forgive and this movie unfortunately is way over that line.

“Shadows Light” is the story of the exorcist priest Father Abelard, who can see the essences of demons and death. While on a much-needed vacation he’s drawn into a battle for souls against the “perfectly-possessed” millionaire Ashton Legares, who willingly gave himself up to be a demonic host, that ends up involving renegade angels, soul-draining demons, the power of choice and free will, and oddly enough, Djinn, or genies. Abelard must muster all the strength and faith he has if he and his allies are going to win what turns out to be the hardest battle he’s ever faced.

Literally drawing from aspects of “The Exorcist” franchise, “The Devil’s Advocate”, and a little bit of “Star Wars”, I knew hope was lost when I saw where most of the budget for this movie went, which was into the FX for flaming swords used in a terribly-staged swordfight between a mysterious silver-lame clad angel assisting our protagonist and the villain Legares, on what looks like Legares’ front lawn. And while on occasion bad acting can be saved by a self-awareness of cheesiness, this film has none of that, and is almost lost in its attempts at being wrapped up in itself, trying to craft a serious mythology when they should be embracing the fact that it’s a low-budget horror movie.

In the end there’s really only one thing that I can take away from this movie, and that’s the image of what I assumed was supposed to be the Grim Reaper wearing a mask I swear I’ve seen on a shelf at the Halloween store.

By Costa Koutsoutis